Life Changing Status Updates

Wow. I can’t believe how long it has been since I have taken time to blog. Don’t think I haven’t been writing at all, it’s just I’ve been writing curriculum and daily lesson plans rather than blogging or working on a novel.

Life seems to have taken me on a course defined moment by moment. I have richoceted from one project to the next…with no true breaks in between. Sitting and reflecting now, I can see that I have allowed myself no time to think, to reflect, to deal.

I have been hiding from some issues by keeping busy. It has become my coping mechanism. Now, I must say, this is the time of year that I am always CRAZY busy…I’ve just allowed myself to use that business to steer clear of some things that make me uncomfortable.

I read a status (on facebook) in the last couple of weeks that really made me question some things. It said something like, “I don’t understand how people can sell out to a pastor or a church and not be willing to sell out to God.” (I know I messed that up, but that’s what I remember.) My heart broke for the individual who wrote that status, and at the same time God used that status to start dragging me out of hiding.

While I TOTALLY understand what the individual was saying and feeling (and I would love to talk if they need an ear to listen), their message said something else to me. It said, “You are sold out to ME. Why are you so worried about what everyone else thinks and says? I am holding you in the palm of my hand. Whom shall you fear? You sold out, I paid the price. Stop hiding.”

Ouch.

I took the spiritual butt whooping of my life a few months ago. I deserved it. I confessed my sin. I believe God forgave it. I’m not so sure that I’ve forgiven myself, though. And I’m so uncomfortable with dealing with the overall situation that I’ve gone into hiding. I’m slowly cutting myself out of the situation.

I think I needed that status update…I’m sorry for the pain it is causing other people, but it has really opened my eyes to who I am in God’s eyes.

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