Two showers, a holiday, and my 30th birthday…

Two showers, a holiday, and my 30th birthday…. Current mood: tired
My weekend managed to get past me much like 1/3 of my life already has: in a blur and way too fast.
I managed to get all my curriculum entered into the computer, but I didn’t get my verbs underlined and colored red because my computer didn’t like it! That will have to be done at school I suppose!
Freshman workweek is well underway, and while things have calmed down until this weekend, I am exhausted, tired.
If I didn’t have to wait for the kids to go to bed I would already be asleep!
Anyhoo, not that I had time to reflect upon it or even celebrate it, but I just had a “big” birthday and I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me some. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe that there is a magic number that marks you as “old”, nor do I believe that your age defines you. What I do believe is that God has only given each of us so much time to make a difference in this world.
One-third of my life is pretty much gone. What did I do with it? How much of a difference have I truly made? I do not like the answer I have for either of those questions.
I’ve really been pondering what I truly want in/out of life. And just as importantly, what I’m doing to achieve that. I took some time yesterday and read a book I’ve been dying to read since May. It is called “Twenty Wishes” by Debbie Macomber. I love her books!
Anyway, in this book a group of widowers decide to take control of their own lifes and make “wish lists”. Their lists are all very different and include a combination of whimsy, practicality, risk, and life choices.
I have often thought of starting such a list, but the idea of writing down wishes and dreams is a little intimidating to me because when they’re on paper they become concrete things. What if I don’t do them? What if I try to do them and fail? What if other people see me fail?
I am so consumed with unrealistic fear that other people even CARE that I am too afraid to think about what I want.
Is there anyone else out there who feels this way? I’m going to be brave today and start a new blog just for discussing making your own 20 wishes…pop on over…let’s see how big we can dream together!

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